FEELiNGS – Nothing to Grasp

A Buddhist wisdom approach to letting go instead of acting out

 

By Trevor Slocum, MA, NCC, LMHC  Copyright 2024

 

{ In memory of my first and beloved Buddhist teacher, Saramati, who has now passed. I will forever be grateful to him for stamping my mind with the Dharma. }

 

A couple of patients of mine, who are interested in Buddhist meditation, have encouraged me to write out this mnemonic FEELiNGS I developed while in post-graduate Contemplative Psychology training in Seattle through Karuna Training. It helped facilitate my remembering the mind-body process that helps release bodily and emotionally stressful experiences. The FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice incorporates FEELiNGS and adds the teachings of Buddhist psychology, the Five Buddha Family mandala, and stupa practice. The practice is based on a simple mandala that expresses the five primordial awareness wisdoms of Shakyamuni Buddha, the historical Buddha, also known as Gautama Buddha.

 

FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice benefits from solid meditation practice, which includes learning the basic mindfulness practices, such as samatha/vipassana and the brahmavihara practices, experience on meditation retreat, as well as the basics of visualization practice, as a basis for this practice. A Buddhist meditation instructor can help one develop these skills. If you do not have a solid meditation practice, when struggling with overwhelming feelings and reactions, it would be better to start by talking with a psychotherapist. Psychotherapists with training in somatic-based therapies (AEDP, Contemplative Psychology, Somatic Experiencing, Focusing, etc.) can help heal dissociation. However, non-meditators have told me that they have found the basic ideas in FEELiNGS beneficial to them as well. In fact, think of this practice as an adjunct to talking with a well-trained meditation instructor.

 

FEELiNGS is a six-part mnemonic. It is my distillation, the essential drop, of several practices taught in Contemplative Psychology, inspired by the Buddhist lineage that stretches back over 2500 years. It seems especially helpful and naturally intuitive to people who are traumatized or have a history of being dissociated from their bodies or feelings. It descends to us via Trungpa Rinpoche in his work establishing a Contemplative Psychology program at Naropa University, Boulder, CO, and beyond.

 

Many of the people who come to see me suffer from emotions that are painful, too strong to manage, and cause additional suffering in their lives by being acted upon without reflection. This is a way of talking about dissociation. Dissociated mental/emotional processes are subject to being unconsciously acted out in the world, which tends to bind people more tightly to patterns of suffering. Waking up to this truth and learning to process the feelings experienced inside is a way of regaining the ability to remain centered and stable, uncaught up, in the face of strong emotions. The FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice creates a container for waking up - a container of wisdom-mind to hold the realities of a turbulent inner world.

 

The basic premise of the practice is that our minds, in their unclouded state, are brilliantly awake - the state of liberation from suffering. According to Buddhist tradition, a Buddha, a fully awake and liberated person, has freed their mind from the ego’s two types of tricks, or obscurations: emotional clouding and cognitive reification. The Buddha taught so that we, too, could become liberated from suffering with the support of ethics, meditation, and wisdom.  

 

Emotional obscurations are robust, reactive, primitive emotional habits, such as greed and clinging, hatred and violence, envy/jealousy and destruction, arrogance and folly, or numbness and denial. They may be made up of intense feelings like heartache and rage. The ego’s strong feeling-based reactions to life’s blunt realities of loss, sickness, old age, and death often catch us off guard, and sweep us away. The more we fail to feel these reactive feelings, the more they unconsciously grip our minds and drive us forward.

 

Cognitive obscurations are deeply established beliefs held by the ego-mind that get in the way of perceiving reality as it is. Generally, these beliefs objectify an it, "think" they can hold on to "it" the way they seem to in mind; trying to make a human’s state of living in flux - both inner and outer - into a "solid thing," something to identify with and to have.

Together, the two types of obscurations keep our minds caught in a clouded, emotionally reactive state toward whatever our minds perceive as a solid, fixed entity (e.g., "enemy," "lover," etc.). The FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice can help clear away the emotional obscurations, the strong emotions that are hard to handle in the mind and tend to be enacted in the world with detrimental effect. It also helps with cognitive obscurations, the mind’s habit of making things solid and unchanging and then identifying with that as self.    

 

FEELiNGS is a mnemonic used to help remind us of a process for mentally digesting experience. This practice can be housed in a meditative practice, but it can also be helpful to people as they walk about their daily lives. The acronym FEELiNGS is helpful to anyone who wants to process a strong emotion or a dissociative response that is gripping you and your mind, cutting you off from a sense of calm mental ease. Let's examine the acronym first. 

 

Steps of the FEELiNGS mnemonic:

 

• F is for             Find it in the body – locate the sensations. Where is its form?  

• EE is for          Embrace with Equanimity – allow it to exist. What are its qualities?

• L is for             Loving-kindness – offer the experience care from the heart. Is my heart warm to it?

• i is for               introspection / insight  – small “i” don’t ruminate, be introspective. What is at the heart of it?

• N is for            Not-self – you are not the experience/feelings. It is a passing state. Is it all of you?

• GS is for         Giving it back to Space – to give, you must let go. Are you letting go?

 

 

Just these six steps can provide context for processing through a feeling.  Incorporating aspects of the Buddhist tradition, such as the circumambulation of the stupa, the Buddha’s burial mounds, and the Five Buddha Family Mandala, can enrich this simple process with meaning and complexity.  

 

Preliminary stage: Stupa as a reminder to set up the container

 

After the Buddha’s death, the Sangha divided his remains into relics and placed them in eight Stupas divided across the Indian subcontinent. As a container of relics, the stupa reminds us of the importance of creating a container for what is sacred. Treat this practice as a sacred time for your heart and mind. To make time and space for the practice, please attend to the following containers.  Set them up as sacred offerings to the Wisdoms.

 

• Space container  – Find a space where you feel safe and undistracted.  Someplace simple and protected.  If it feels sacred, all the better.

• Time container – Find about an hour to dedicate to the practice.  It takes time to think and feel.

• Body/Mind container – Don’t dull your mind or body. Bring your whole self to the practice.

• Motivation container – Set the intention that this inner work may free ourselves and others from suffering.

• Meditative container – Use the meditative tradition of wisdom and compassion as a support.   

• Wisdom Mind container – Receptivity. Asking/Allowing the Wisdom mind to help with the inner processing.

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A final thought about containers. Our minds heal best when contained by another mind, so find someone wise to talk with.

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Stupa practice: remembering death and loss

 

While traveling as a young man with my teacher Saramati, studying Buddhism in India, I was taught the importance of the devotional practice of circumambulating the stupa - a traditional ritual of reverence in Buddhism. It can be likened to being in the gravitational well of the Buddha. One mindfully walks clockwise around the object of veneration, a stupa, the monumental burial mounds of the Buddha, which traditionally stood as a symbol of the Buddha. The FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice incorporates the circumambulation around a stupa as a symbol of death and loss in our personal lives. In addition to being a sacred reminder of the Buddha Shakyamuni, the stupa is a reminder of our existential situation of impermanence, about the realities of time passing, and the coming from and returning to the life-giving earth.

 

So much of our suffering and our most destructive and reactive habits come from living in a state of agitated denial of loss. By calling to mind our losses and our reactions to loss, we return to a more sober and grounded state of mind, a mind more responsive to its environment and to others. This insight goes all the way back to the Buddha's life with his teachings to Kisa Gotami, a woman who lost her mind in the face of grief about the death of her baby. She couldn't perceive her infant was actually dead and carried the rotting corpse around for weeks, asking for someone to heal the child. Someone suggested talking to the Buddha. The Buddha healed her by having her gently reflect on the nature of death by sending her on a quest to find a mustard seed from a family where no one had died. Her inability to find such a family slowly brought her to the dawning awareness that the living are few, but the dead are many. Kisa Gotami was able to return to grieving and her sanity. Later, she became a famous disciple of the Buddha, known for her wisdom. In the Buddhist tradition, the stupa and the Five Buddha Families are brought together in one image, called the Pancha Buddha Stupa. Using the image of the Pancha Buddha Stupa, the FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice moves clockwise around the stupa, spending some time in each zone of wisdom. It is traditional to start in the East.

 

Wisdoms of the Mandala:

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As the early Sangha grappled with trying to understand the nature of the Buddha's primordial awareness wisdom, over time, this mandala arose in Buddhist culture. It highlights different but interrelated wisdoms of Shakyamuni Buddha, which, as a whole, can lead to liberating insight. Each aspect of the liberating wisdoms are interconnected, one arising out of the whole, but also all simultaneously supporting the whole.  The various wisdoms are personified in the Buddhas of the Mandala. These wisdoms act as an antidote to the Five Poisons.

            

• East – Akshobhya – Mirror-like Wisdom – Water – calm reflective water, flowing, steam, hard ice mind

• South – Ratnasambhava – Wisdom of Equality – Earth – the richness of decay and new life

• West – Amitabha – Discerning Wisdom – Fire – the light that sees and warms

• North – Amoghasiddhi – The All-Accomplishing Wisdom – Air – wind moves freely

• Center – Vairocana – The Wisdom of the Absolute Truth/Reality Realm – Space – space accommodates everything

 

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The FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice:

 

For the circumambulation, it can be very beneficial to actually circumambulate around a sacred spot. We can also visualize circumambulating the stupa. So, ironically, we can begin the circumambulation by taking our seats in meditation. Establish mindfulness of the breath and allow it to guide your curiosity into your body.

 

In our minds, we start by imagining a clear, blue sky. Then, picture a dome-like white stupa made of earth, with four gates in the cardinal directions and a spire on the top. (You could let the images of the Boudanath Stupa enrich your imagination.) While visualizing the stupa, bring to mind the context of loss. It could be the loss of a beloved teacher, or a friend, or a spouse, or a parent, or a family member, or a child, or a childhood, or a fidelity, or a romance, or a position - this loss can be past, present, or future - whatever fits your situation. How is the feeling experience you are processing connected to a loss? If you don't know at first, it may become clearer later.

 

We turn our awareness to the East and visualize being before the Eastern gate. Through the Eastern gate, we see a lapis temple where the blue Buddha Akshobhya, “The Imperturbable,” radiates the white light of the mirror-like wisdom of “in the seen, only the seen.” The East is associated with the energies of pacification. Mindfulness of the body helps the body calm; it is inherently down-regulating to the nervous system. The first step of the FEELiNGS practice, the F step, is to Find it in the body. Let the breath help with this. The feeling experience has a physical correlate, and you're encouraged to find its form within you. Breathe into it. By doing so, we avoid becoming dissociated, up in our heads, thinking about the experience. This meditation is about feeling. Locating it within also empowers us to take responsibility for it. "Where is its form?" Where is it inside? What is its shape and size? 

           

Once you have a sense of where the feeling experience is manifesting in the body, Embrace what you find with Equanimity. With this EE step, we move to the Southern gate. Through this gate is a golden temple where yellow Buddha Ratnasambhava, “The Jewel Born One,” sits in meditation, radiating the golden light of the wisdom of equality. This wisdom arises from the awareness of emptiness - shunyata - the profound quality that everything is interrelated, that nothing is without value to the whole. Give the experience the acceptance it needs to exist within you. Hold it with your awareness. As you breathe into it, try to sense into it. Value it for what it is trying to communicate to you. Enrich it with your curiosity about the experience. What is it made up of? "What are its qualities?" Is it tense? Painful? Numb? Hot? Cold? Hungry? Angry? Sad? Listen deeply to the experience, attune to it.

 

While holding the feeling experience in mind, we can move to the next step, the L step, offering it Loving-kindness from the heart center/chakra. Use the breath to stay in touch with it and also become aware of the breath entering the heart center.  Breathe into both places.  "Is my heart warm to it?" With this step, we move to the Western gate of the stupa, through which we see a ruby temple, where meditating red Buddha Amitabha, “Infinite Light,” radiates the red light of discerning wisdom. This wisdom arises from caring and opening one's heart to the feeling.  Try to radiate loving energy from your heart to the feeling. It is only through loving eyes that we can perceive what is essential, to know intimately, and to be attuned to what is needed.

 

This takes us to the “i” step. i is a small i, so it doesn’t become another “I” for you to manage. i stands for introspection/insight, which is also governed by discernment of Amitabha's wisdom. Again, the small i is to help remind us to be humble about our interpretations and insights. Don't get lost in thinking; stay present to breathing into your heart and the form of the experience in your body. This is the type of introspection that "knows," rather than "thinks."  It is linked to the still, small voice of intuition and conscience. The Zen watō (or pithy koan) "What is it?" may be revealing. "What is at the heart of it?" may add a personal dimension to your introspection, enough to really see to the core of the matter. If you lose mindfulness, it may mean the feeling is pulling for an action that could show up as a daydream. "What is it pushing for me to do?" may help you catch and hold the impulse to take action. Often, it is best to contemplate the experience only long enough for an image, or maybe a word, to form. What is its essence?

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The next step is the N step, for Not-self.  Whatever you feel, no matter how strongly you feel, it is not the whole of you. It is not a solid self. This, too, shall pass. We are now standing before the gate in the North, through which we see an emerald temple, where green Buddha Amoghasiddhi, “Unfailing Accomplishment,” sits, radiating the green light of “all-accomplishing” wisdom. This is the wisdom of egoless action: it both compassionately responds to suffering and knows that things are perfect as they are, whereas self-attachment, or clinging to feelings or outcomes, tends to make things worse. Perhaps the ultimate accomplishment is letting go.

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His question, "Is it all of you?" points to the space in mind around the feeling - mindful awareness - as the fundamental container of the mind. This mindful container can bring stability when the mind is overwhelmed. If it is not all of you, what remains when you let it go? By letting go and not acting on the feeling, we undermine the ego's tricks and halt the action that will entangle us more deeply in a painful, world- and self-creating, solid (seeming) suffering.​

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In dissociation, people keep painful feelings from flowing, frozen, so they can hold on to them inside - to protect them. If that protection is threatened, the feelings might suddenly bellow forth like a flowing river or a blast of scalding steam. It is important to let go of trying to control the feeling. The frozen feelings have almost become an aspect of the self and take a form in the body, usually disguised as tension or pain.  But holding them back causes you to suffer; it is the tension and pain. To feel them in the body again can be overwhelming. You may experience a flood of tears as the frozen quality wears off. Along the way, they will become gentle tears. Use the breath to let it flow out. Let go of what is not yours to keep. Let go... let go... let go... Sigh it out.  Ahhh.  

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If letting go seems impossible, there may be a selfless, reparative action to take before the feeling can flow and then rest. The small, still inner knowing from the previous step may give you an intuition about what needs to be accomplished before the feeling can dissipate.

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Letting go can be remarkably hard for us all, hence the question, "Are you letting go?" A powerful way to cut through holding on - clinging and attachment - is giving. To give, one has to let go. This moves us to the last step, the GS step, for Give it back to Space. Now, we pass through the Eastern gate into the center of the stupa; there is a pearl-white temple where white Buddha Vairocana, "The Illuminator," sits in meditation and radiates the blue light of the wisdom of the “realm of space.” This is the truth of emptiness is made experiential, the mind is open and awake, ready to accommodate what is next. The mind is like space - it accommodates what is there but remains unmarked.

 

To allow the feeling to return to space, one must let go of the resistance to feeling it fully. By resisting, we keep the feeling from being felt, so it will not dissipate. Using the breath, give the feeling the gift of being robustly felt. Use your breath to stay in touch with your heart as you use the breath to feel the feeling. Breathe into both places. Like the Illuminator radiating light, the feeling must radiate through you, allowing it to pass through the body and back into space.

 

But know that this feeling won't dissolve all at once. It will take time to radiate it back out into space. You may need to begin the meditation again another day, with a fresh awareness.  In time, you'll discover you cannot hold on to anything; everything belongs to the space that contains you. By giving the feelings back to space, you make a sacred offering—an offering of non-attachment. 

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The feeling will ultimately, in the fullness of time, dissolve back into space, so the added intention of it being a gift for the benefit of all beings brings good karma and a sense of connection. Naming the experience you are giving to space can help seal it. It also puts the experience inside of you, outside of you, through your voice. Say it in a sacred way. You might ask the Buddhas to grant their blessing so that the confusion the feeling experience is causing you may dawn as wisdom.

 

One can end the practice by imagining letting everything in the meditation dissolve back into the space of the clear blue sky - the feeling experience, the stupa, yourself included - like clouds dispersing into the radiant blue sky. It can help to end the practice with long out-breaths, like you are the wind that stirs the clouds. As a last step, dedicate any goodness from the practice to the benefit of all beings.

 

If you have the time and want to make the practice more intimate, you might imagine talking to each Buddha, having them ask you the questions, such as “Where is its form?” etc., and then answering them.

 

When the wisdoms in this practice are engaged often, people notice relief from pent-up stress, rumination, and acting out of harming feelings. On-the-cushion practice can help make the process more immediate, so it can become a walking-around practice you can take into daily life.

 

Working with the Five Poisons:

 

For serious practitioners, this practice can also help uproot the intensely reactive negative mental states called the Five Poisons. These powerful mental states often linger around experiences of loss. The Wisdoms of the Buddha Families are said to be the antidotes to the Five Poisons. They are called poisons because each contains an aspect of dissociation and projection. Thus, they cloud the mind, cutting it off from the reality of interdependence. In Buddhism, the Poisons are labeled greed, hatred, pride, envy/jealousy, and ignorance/delusion.

 

The dissociative and projective aspects in the Five Poisons, in short:

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• Greed - This poison is the destruction of memory. A person gripped by greed is dissociated from satisfaction within / satisfaction is over there in the Thing

• Hatred - This poison is the destruction of self-reflection. A person gripped by hatred is dissociated from the ill-will within (desire to harm) / ill-will is over there in the other (Enemy)

• Ignorance-delusion - This poison is the destruction of the mind’s ability to perceive reality- the mind is dominated by nonrecognition. A person gripped by ignorance is dissociated from the awake mind, the knower within / awareness and knowledge are left for others to bear

• Pride - This poison is the destruction of healthy dependency (taking in). A person gripped by pride is dissociated from their need to listen / the need to listen is in others

• Envy-jealousy - This poison is the destruction of loving appreciation (giving out). A person gripped by envy-jealousy is dissociated from the joy for the other's good fortune  / the other's attainments make me hurt inside (they stole my joy)

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The FEELiNGS - Nothing to Grasp practice, based on ancient wisdom, can contain and transform the most primitive aspects of our minds.

 

Learning more:

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If this practice interests you and you want to learn more, there are a few routes for deeper study of Contemplative Psychology in the United States. If you are interested in becoming a counselor, consider the MA in Clinical Counseling program at Naropa University. If you are already a licensed clinician, consider post-graduate training in Contemplative Psychology from Karuna Training.  

 

References:

 

Chögyam, N. (1997). Spectrum of Ecstacy: Embracing the Five Wisdom Emotions of Vajrayana Buddhism.               Shambhala Publications, Inc.

Loizzo, J. J., Neale, M., & Wolf, E. J. (2017). Advances in contemplative psychotherapy: Accelerating healing and    transformation. Routledge.

Sangharakshita. (1990). A Guide to the Buddhist Path. Windhorse Publications, Ltd.

Thrangu, K. (2013). The Five Buddha Families and The Eight Consciousnesses. Namo Buddha Publications.

Trungpa, C. (1973). Cutting Through Spiritual Materialism. Shambhala Publications, Inc.

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